How to plan for not planning (written B4 pandemic)

So, you’ve scheduled a day of rest, and you’re determined to actually relax. But your house is a mess, your last pair of clean underwear can’t be found, and the phone won’t stop vibrating. How do you plan for not planning anything - when you want to BE instead of ACCOMPLISH? You need a plan. Wait, what?

The first thing to do is to decide the outcome of the unplanned time. No, not what you’ll accomplish, but what you hope to feel or understand. I like to think of it as an AHA or an AAH moment, a new insight or a releasing sigh. What do you hope for at the end of this You Time? This is NOT a to-do list. It’s a GET-TO-NOT-DO list so you can BE.

Once you’ve decided on this outcome, you must choose only congruent behaviors. If you decide to stay home, in the environment with all the chores screaming at you, you’ve got a serious challenge ahead. My advice is to change the setting so you can’t see the things your brain will insist you should be doing instead of this self-care. But if you’re home, and you’re not going to do laundry for example, go commando and quietly celebrate the absence of panty-lines. Shove the dirty clothes behind a door or something. Desperate times call for desperate denial. Do not give in to the temptation of multitasking the work with your self-care because that’s akin to sleeping in 10-minute increments and expecting to feel rested.

Depending on how long you need this respite, you have to plan for it financially. If it’s a day, you may need to hire a babysitter, or adjust spending for a day without pay, etc. If it’s months or longer, you need a solid plan. Figure out what you can change about your spending and what you actually need. Be a little unrealistic in your ability to scale back and then add 10-30% back into the figures. Let’s be real.

Make sure that this time includes movement or exercise. This is not incongruent with the message above, although it sounds like accomplishing something, especially to you couch potatoes. I did say “movement” as an option; it doesn’t have to be Jazzercise, CrossFit, or p90x. It just has to get the brain chemicals dancing in a way that prevents your down-time from becoming neurotic perseveration. And don’t forget to eat, for the same reasons. I recommend chips and hummus. And Kalamata olives if you’ve got some. Nothing spurs insights and sighs like strong Mediterranean tastes.

Then I hope you get bored.

Really bored.

That’s where creativity and self-discovery are hiding. Sometimes, we hang too long in safe spaces while true learning and discovery are waiting where we take a little risk, feel uncomfortable, and alter the usual settings.

Did I mention technology? No. I certainly did not.

The most surprising part of beginning this time for myself is how supportive the people in my life have been. I used to ignore my self-care needs, or shove them behind a door where the dirty laundry should be, until I exploded, sobbing with a frustrated need for time alone. Now I calmly make them subscribe to my blog.